FE(male)

In my previous article, I mentioned some views and psychological factors that affect the way men and women think. Say for example, a guy meets a girl, woos her, uses her and dumps her; he succeeds in his game of enchantment and tells his buddies of his recent accomplishment. The lady, on the other hand, thinks about the situation differently.

As the guy begins to do things to impress the girl, she begins to evaluate. In the process of evaluation, she discovers his strengths, weaknesses, capabilities, failures, and success, what works for him and what does not. She connects to his emotional side and brings out his emotional flaws without his realization. This tells why most women say that men are such ‘babies.’

When the guy eventually sleeps with the girl, he celebrates his pseudo-victory and tells his buddies. However, the girl sees it differently. First, the girl is filled with grief and hurt, thinking of how she had began to trust to trust the guy only to end up with a broken heart.  The lady says, “You think you have won, but you haven’t. All the while you were talking to me, I was evaluating you and looking for ways to truly understand you. You rejoice amongst your friends in sleeping with me, but you forget that I allowed you to sleep with me.’ The girl continues, “Remember you begged and I ALLOWED you to sleep with me in the first place (except for rape cases).”  As a result, the lady makes some strategic moves not to show the guy that she is a winner, but to send a message that she has more understanding  and manipulative control of the human than he does. Below are series of events that would be expected to take place:

1.  1.   She tells her confidant/best friend about the situation. She says, ‘Can you believe it? The guy I was talking to finally slept with me and left me. He thought he could get away with it. I thought he was a man, but he has only proven that he is a boy. This shows that he cannot handle a woman like me.’

    2. With this belief, the woman concludes that the guy is incapable of handling bigger and other serious issues of life. The girl tells her friend, who tells another friend et al. It’s just a matter of time that a community of female friends would discover the guy’s reputation and code him as a player.

So when the same guy approaches other girls in the circle, they listen to the ‘sweet talk’ but eventually tell other friends. They say, ‘can you believe it, that BOY tried to talk to me after all he did to my friend.’ This is why we see many cases of highly reputable men who become infamous for sexual atrocities. We have seen cases of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski, Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant and the mistress, Herman Cain and his pizza accusers and several others. The women involved in these cases do not care about winning or losing, In fact the monetary reward they get is secondary to their understanding. Their ultimatum is to prove to the men involved that they have the ability to understand men and manipulate their presumed thoughts.  

WOmen 1

Happy New year guys...Miss me yet?
Recently, I found myself thinking and pondering about the human being. I began to wonder why men think differently from men. Why do men see things differently, why do they act different? Talk differently? And react differently? My curiosity led my research and my results have led me to share the things I will reveal in this blog. Big thanks to Brains!

Growing up, I always wondered why my sisters fancied feminine materials. I wondered why my mom’s interpretation of situations was different from my dad’s. And I wondered why my female cousins were more emotional than their male counterparts. You see, history and modern society has always placed similar gender roles (with the exception of a rural society in western India) that eventually define who we grow up to become. As young boys, we are taught to be wild, aggressive, competitive, spontaneous and win by all means. We are taught to do everything to win or lose; the process of getting there is of lesser value.

However, little girls are taught differently. At a young age, a little girl begins the process of understanding the human mind. She tries to understand how the body, soul, and spirit of a human being work. Thus, we see the connection to her emotional side. While the young boys are busy playing soccer, a female is concentrating on Barbie dolls, using them as tools to figure out the subconscious part of the human mind. The girl’s fundamental goal is not to win or lose, but to understand how the ‘human being’ works.

A decade later, the little girl becomes the beautiful teenager/young adult while the little boy becomes the handsome guy. At this stage, both sexes begin to attract. When a young man sees a beautiful lady, neurons in his brain are activated to recognize the beauty. The guy’s first question is “how do I win over this girl?” or “How do I make her mine?” Without realizing it, the guy’s ultimatum is to win over the girl. If the guy were to be a player, his ultimatum would be to sleep with the girl. I will go with the player’s point of view henceforth.

When the player/guy makes his moves to win the girl’s heart he makes all little tricks to woo the girl, gets her number and ‘sweet talk’ her into the honeymoon period. The main goal of the guy, precisely a player, would be to sleep with the girl. So if the guy finally sleeps with the girl, he considers himself a winner of the game. But if he doesn’t sleep with the girl, he considers it a loss.

When the guy begins to ‘sweet talk’ and woo, the woman, on the other hand, thinks way beyond. She begins to ask herself, “Is he a ‘man’ enough to handle me, my wants and my needs?” While the guy is thinking about winning, the lady is trying to understand how the guy works; she begins to activate the subconscious and humane part of the guy. As both individuals begin to spend time together, the lady continues her quest to understand the man. In the process, she finds out his weaknesses, strengths, likes, dislikes and so forth. This is why a woman knows what to do to get a man to ultimately do what she wants him to do. Why? She has understood the man.

Going back to the case of the player, let’s say the player succeeds in winning his game of enchantment a.k.a sleeping with girl; he tells his buddies and discusses his most recent accomplishment. The lady, on the other hand, thinks about the situation differently. How?

I’ll explain in my next blog.

Yours Truly,

LazioM.A.N

What If I Was a Poor Black Kid

So I was at work the other day when I read an article that sparked my interest on an important issue, racism and inequality in America. Two weeks before, a friend of mine had sent me a video of a poor African American woman in Florida with fifteen kids and no money. So today, I thought to myself, What if I was a poor black kid in America with no money?

Last week, President Obama gave a speech in Kansas City about inequality in America. He said, ‘This is the defining issue of our time. This is a make-or-break moment for the middle class, and for all those who are fighting to get into the middle class. Because what’s at stake is whether this will be a country where working people can earn enough to raise a family, build a modest savings, own a home, secure their retirement.’

He’s right. The gap between the rich and the poor in America has gotten wider over the decade. In recent weeks, Occupy “this and that” has been the popular movement in America. Why? A majority of American citizens are tired of the current state of the economy.

The article I read and the President’s speech got me thinking. The rich kids I have tutored are no smarter than the kids from the inner city. The richer kids have it much easier than their counterparts from the ghetto. The world is not fair to those kids mainly because they had the misfortune of being born two miles away into a more difficult part of the world and with a skin color that makes realizing their dream harder. This is a fact in 2011.

I’m not a poor black kid. I was raised in Nigeria in a family of seven. My father worked around the clock with the hopes of providing food, clothing and shelter. My mother worked as a teacher with the hopes of providing additional income, but the Nigerian government never ceased to delay her salary by at least six months in a row. That granted, I’m an African man in my twenties living by myself with hopes of maximizing the resources that this beautiful country has to offer. So the fact that I immigrated to the United States means that things should have been worse for me. Why? I’m black and I have a thick African accent.

But that doesn’t mean that the prospects are impossible for those kids from the inner city. It doesn’t mean that there are no opportunities for them. Or that the 1% controls the world and the rest of us have to fight over the scraps left behind. I don’t believe that. I believe that everyone in this country has a chance to succeed. It takes hard work, perseverance, brains, a little luck and a little help from others. It takes an ability to know how to use the resources that are available. Like technology and others.

If I was a poor black kid, I would first and most importantly make sure that I have the best grades possible. I would make it a top priority to read sufficiently and effectively. Even if I attended the worst public school at the worst community, the truth is that the worst have their best. And the very best students, even at the worst schools, have more opportunities. Getting good grades is the key to having more options. With good grades you can choose different, better paths. If you do poorly in school, particularly in a lousy school, you’re severely limiting the limited opportunities you have.

If I was a poor black kid, I would use the technology available to me as a student. Libraries and schools have computers available. If I cannot afford a computer at Best Buy, I would check Tiger Direct, thrift stores or Dell’s Outlet. Professional organizations like accountants and architects often offer used computers from their members, sometimes at no cost at all.

If I was a poor black kid in America, I would use the free technology available to help me study. My best friend would be Google Scholar, and I would become an expert at sites like Sparknotes and Cliffnotes to help me understand books. I would watch relevant teachings on Academic Earth, TED and Khan Academy. In addition, I would get my books for free at Project Gutenberg and learn how to do research at the CIA World Factbook and Wikipedia to help me with my studies. I would take advantage of study websites like Evernote, Studyrails, Flashcard Machine, Quizlet and Free Online calculators. I would use Skype and Oovoo to study with other students who want to do well in school.

Is this easy? No. It takes a special kind of kid to succeed. And to succeed with those tools is much harder for a poor black kid than for a white or rich kid from the suburbs. The fact is that the tools, technology and opportunities are there.

There are nationally recognized academic magnet schools in every state. Yes, they are more difficult to get into, but more than 90% of the kids that attend these schools go to college. Most private schools are filled to the brim with the top 1%. But most of these schools have scholarship programs that provide opportunities to kids that can’t afford the tuition. These schools want to show diversity. They want to show smiling, smart kids of many different colors and races on their fundraising brochures. If I was a poor black kid I would make it my goal to get into one of these schools.

And once admitted to one of these schools, I would make it a point to seek advice of teachers and make my guidance counselor my friend. Why? These are people that would one day help me go to a college. They would advise me on financial aid options, college scholarships, grants, job programs and minority programs.

A poor black kid who goes to college will have opportunities. America is a country of business owners who are starved for smart and skilled people. Yes, President Obama was right in speech. There is a huge gap between the rich and the poor. But the biggest challenge we face isn’t inequality, its ignorance. A lot of kids from poor black communities don’t even know that these opportunities exist for them. Many of these kids come from single family homes who mom (or dad) works at least two different jobs, and is too tired to do anything within the few hours they are home.

Many of these kids don’t have the brains to figure this out themselves, unless they are lucky enough to have parents and a well-funded school system to push them in the right direction. Several resources can help these kids, but only if they want to be helped. Yes, there is racism and inequality, but there is still opportunity for those who are smart enough to go for it.

Sincerely,
LazioM.A.N

The Confidant...

You cast your eyes up to the sky,
you groaned, though you said not a word;
Yet GOD was not deaf to your cry,
The friend of the fatherless heard.

For since you have trusted His care,
And learned on His word to depend,
He has kept u from every snare,
And been ur best Father and Friend.


Yours Truly,
LazioM.A.N

Special thanks to Tayo Adekoya

The Mechanism Behind A Miracle

Hello!!! Readers, it’s fall time. Ikr...I spend a lot of sleepless nights thinking, thinking, planning and thinking of the way forward. Having no immediate parents around have been taking a hit on me these days, especially on days I need advice the most. So how do I survive? I read….Yes. I read…read and read with every chance I get. Before I go to work, I take a book with me to revive me. Thanks to Brains for introducing me to the podcasts.
I must admit that these books have been teaching me my life lessons. They have taught me the way to speak, act and confront situations I’m faced with. They have become my parents. This week, I saw a post by a friend on a surgical operation being done on a neonatal infant. I was amazed at the miracle of giving an innocent being a second chance at life. That’s what intrigues me about medicine. The mere fact that providing the gift of health to an individual could change the fate and story of a generation keeps drawing me back to medicine. Every day, I see patients at the ED who come in terrified at the abnormalities of life. But I was really intrigued at what one of the attending physicians told me one day. We had just seen a patient who complained of back pain (the most common case I’ve seen at the ED). Within 5 minutes, the attending had diagnosed the physician, and had given her instructions on what to do. When we walked out of the room, she said, “Sometimes, we don’t even do anything. Yet, they think we’ve solved a huge problem for them.” I was astonished. Could this be true?
Oh well…back to my point. This week, I decided to read a little more about Ben Carson. So, I ordered his books, “Gifted hands,” and “Big Picture.” In addition, I ordered the DVD to watch. I must say that I’ve been really inspired. I was most inspired by the dream he had on the night before his Chemistry exam, which revealed the exact answers he needed. A lesson was learned for me, when you walk on the path God has chosen for you, nothing will ever stop you from achieving that goal.

PS: If you read my last blog post, it says to be continued at the end, it continues in the book. You’re blessed.

Reflections on my childhood

So today I decided to write a little about my life. Funny right, considering I tend to keep to myself a lot. At 1:30am, I sat down in my room thinking of what my life was like before, what it is now, and my fate in posterity.
Recently, I found myself reminiscing on my past. I grew up in different cities in Nigeria. My father, a man whom I will forever respect, worked around the clock as a factory worker with the hopes of providing food, clothing and shelter to a family of seven. In an effort to support my father, my mother worked as a public school teacher, but the Nigerian government never failed to delay her salary by several months at a time.
My childhood motivated me to share my experiences with the world. As a result, I am currently working on my autobiography, due to be released in twelve months. My inspiration to write comes from the lessons I learned from my parents. My father was a highly optimistic individual. He never saw what ‘is’ but he constantly reminded his family on what ‘could be’ provided we persevere through the hard times. My beloved mother, a poised, homely woman taught me the importance of Christianity. She would always say, “No matter where you find yourself, never forget to plead the blood.’’
(To be continued)

Sincerely,
LazioM.A.N

Boston Experience 1

So today I decided to blog after a long time. Miss me yet? Loljk. (I know that’s not a word). A lot of thoughts have been on my mind since I moved to Boston. When I first drove into the state of Massachusetts from upstate, New York, I saw a clear difference between the two states. First, I noticed the trees. I got this feeling of fresh air. The trees and grasses were inviting me to a new world. It was as if I was being welcomed into a world where opportunities were bound to become successes, if and only if, I was tenacious enough to succeed.

Two days later, after complaining about the cost of living here to my group mate, I visited the MIT campus and the Harvard undergraduate campus. It was on a Sunday. That was the beginning of a new vision. While I was on tour at the MIT campus, I saw a quote that caught my attention. It was on the wall of one of the buildings. It said, “Welcome to the home of innovation.” At that moment, I thought to myself, this is what makes them one of the best institutions in the world. They have a principle of producing not just educators but innovators. They follow principles that drive the world’s next vision. I compared this principle to The Ohio State University’s principle. Sincerely, it was no match. Why? Because majority of graduates are trained to work for other companies. However, this institution is motivated to training people to creatively think.

I have come to one conclusion in my journey in life thus far. The people that will control the world are people who have clear goals for their lives and creatively think outside the box or become successful within it. If you don’t have clear goals for your life, you are bound to work for those who do.

Yours truly,

LazioM.A.N